Still in the Storm

Today is the big day- DFTF (Dad's Faux-Thanksgiving Feast). I've opted to go running today instead of going to church. I know you're probably thinking I'm crazy- giving up eternal heavenly blessings and bliss for a workout; but in my mind it's a necessary evil. For one thing if you know me at all, you know I never work out on Sundays. But I'm on vacation, and I seriously want to see a drop tomorrow at WW, so a sacrifice is in order. Sunday-Funday is out the window. Sunday 'bust my ass' day is in full effect. If I'm going to hell, at least I'll look good when I go.

Yesterday was an ok day...I'd give myself a B- if I were grading. I got a work out in, but ended up at Pei Wei with my siblings and their significant others for dinner. We were having a blast with aunts and uncles and other family members stopping by to meet the baby and see me, and by the time we decided to go grab dinner everyone was starving. Just try to throw out healthy options like salad to a pack of ravenous wolves next time you have a chance. They don't want anything to do with "rabbit" food. I was almost laughed out of the house. The group finally decided on Pei Wei, and though I was excited for a night out with my siblings (mom offered to stay with Wyatt), I was a little stressed about the Pei Wei option. When we finally got inside Pei Wei, I kinda went into a mini panic. I didn't tell any of my siblings of course, but I frantically got on my phone and was trying to look up points values of Pei Wei menu items on the internet. Of course I couldn't connect. Of course. There I was, standing in the middle of Pei Wei, with no clue what options were best. I stared at the menu for what seemed like an eternity- trying so hard to learn through Osmosis which option was the healthiest. I kept waiting for an "aha" moment- don't worry, it never came. I kept trying to remember healthy options I'd heard of before, or what websites I'd seen in the past, but NOTHING was coming. What sounds more healthy to you: Kung Pao Chicken or Mongolian Beef? Not an easy choice without any guidelines except a delicious item description. I was STRUGGLING; everything looked so good and I was starving to boot. For one brief second I tried to be good; I asked my the group if anyone had gotten the Asain Chop Salad, but they all immediately boo'd me away from it. My brother's girlfriend said it was horrific- even my normally healthy sister, who weighs 122 pounds and always knows what the best option is, was getting Dan Dan noodles, something I wasn't convinced was the best option.

So there I was, torn between my favorite dish (Orange Peel Chicken), and Pad Thai- an old trustee but not something I was in the mood for. In the end I got the Pad Thai because I knew if I went with OPC I was done for. I was back and forth and back and forth until I realized, if I get OPC, I will not control how much I eat. At least with the Pad Thai I could try to control my portion AND nothing was breaded so I felt like it was the safer bet. Well, I controlled my portion! I have no idea how many points the pad thai is, but I brought over half of it home. When I finally crawled into bed last night, I realized I did feel a little hungry, which made me feel better knowing that my stomach was at least empty. I don't feel bad about anything that happened yesterday- I'm feeling pretty confident that I maintained, which makes me happy. One day down, one more to go!

I'm still visualizing portion control in my head for tonight. I know this may sound crazy, but I literally have to practice visualizing myself doing well in order to actually do well at functions like this. And all the visualizing in the world only works half the time for me anyway; I still have to be aware and be present in the moment in order to stay in control. I still have to internally talk to myself the whole time, asking myself what I want more- this delicious steak or to look good later. This delicious steak AND the stomach aches and pains, coupled with the guilt that will follow (which actually affects my choice more than the "look good later" question). LOL- I feel like I sound like a crazed animal; a ravenous feeder that basically eats herself to death. Well- I kind of am! Learning control of self is so much harder than it ever appears- whether it's food, whether it's sexual desire, whether it's temper/emotion control, whether it's spending money, whatever. But it's something I want; to always be in control of myself and my body. Which means it's something I have to work on continually.

Good luck controlling yourself today!

D