She said to me, "I think you're really hard on yourself, and people pick up on that. They feel that energy and they tend to move away from that. No one wants to feel that.. You need to relax and have a little fun."
She meant it in an honest way, and in a frank-friend way, so I wasn't offended in the least. NR and I have been friends for quite a while before she moved in here (I met her last year around this same time), so it's not like she just moved in 2 days ago and is already dishing out what she thinks. But I've been thinking about it a lot. Aaron is this way, and he drives me nuts sometimes. He's so uptight and hard on himself...and I always have to think to myself, if he's this hard on himself, how hard would he be on me if we were dating?? He hung out with us a little tonight; we went up to LA to a dessert party and to be honest, I pretty much left him alone all night to talk to NR while I mingled with other guys. It wasn't the best thing I could've done, but I'm also at a crossroads with him (like I was with Dan. And yet, we see how far that got me). But this post is not about him tonight. (Nor, for the first time, is it about all the dessert I ate)
Anyway, so I've been thinking about this comment by NR. I've been told many many times through out my life that I'm too hard on myself...but I don't know how to be any other way. How do you lighten up? How do you just stop being hard on yourself, especially when you don't feel like you really are hard? Or...maybe you start to realize that people are right, but how do you change it? I feel like in the last few months I've learned to forgive myself more for my eating "mishaps" but I'm still not sure if all of the forgiving I've done is any good for me. Am I actually losing weight? Not lately. On the other hand, it takes so much energy to be critical of yourself so much. I don't want to keep wasting energy being so hardcore...especially if others can feel it. I feel better about all of the forgiveness...and yet...I'm still being too hard on myself (according to others). Even on this blog, I tend to get a lot of comments that are along the lines of, "Just relax and give yourself a break and get back on track and everything will work out." Which I love...again, I'm just observing...or putting all of this together.
There really isn't anything new to say or any resolve to this issue...it just happens to be what I'm mulling over tonight. NR moved in 2 days ago and already my life is feeling dramatically different. She has opened my eyes to a lot of things...from changing my make up, to focusing on what I really want, to internal analysis of self.
More later, I just wanted to get this out there. I have to go to bed so I can get up for work tomorrow.
Do you guys think I'm too hard on myself? Honestly? You don't have to say if it makes you uncomfortable, just curious as to other people's thoughts...