Sunday, September 27, 2009

And the war rages on...

Of course because I did awesome the last few days, and today is Sunday (aka death day for me), and a whole new plate of stress has been dished out- I fell off the wagon.

It started with breakfast at Disneyland (huge breakfast burrito with all the nasty meat, cheese and potatoes a person could ask for). Remember my mom's friend is in town and wanted me to meet up? Yeah, she started calling at 7:30 this morning. Thank you Margaret. While wolfing my 'sunrise burrito' down speedily, I told myself it would be the only thing I ate today. Ha. How stupidly do I justify things to myself. If only I could've seen at the beginning of the day what the end of the day would end up like...THEN maybe I would've slowed down. But as we all know, that's impossible. Immediately after that chow session I had to come home for a nap; just eating that artery clogging cement block took all my energy. I shouldn't have gone into it starving, you're right. I knew it, and yet I did it anyway. My stomach was growling so furociously by the time I got to the restaurant that little children were wimpering while hiding behind their mothers.

The problem is, I want to eat out. I love the ambience of a restaurant, trying new foods, eating old familiar favorites, being waited on and socializing with my friends and/or family. There have been a few times that I've tried to eat before I go so I'm not so ravenous, but the rare few times I've done it, I've always ended up regretting it. I eat anyways once I get there; which means I overeat; I just can't help myself. I want to eat once I step inside a restaurant. No matter how determined I am, the minute I step inside the restaurant, it's over. Plus, I've never quite gotten comfortable with showing up and not eating. I just feel like it's rude to my friends and/or associates, I don't know why. I'd rather die than admit to everyone or anyone that I'm on a diet. I've just recently started becoming ok with picking something healthy off the menu that's how weird I am about it. I'd rather get something unhealthy and pick at it then admit I'm getting something lowfat. Of course, the minute I do that, I eat the unhealthy option cause it tastes so good, so that "trick" is now out. No, I've only recently become ok with getting something "healthy" or "lowfat". I usually try to be sneaky about it; I'll point to what I want on the menu and tell the waiter this is what I want instead of telling them what the item is called. So they'll be going around the table, and I'm the girl pointing to the menu saying, "I want this". Then I get bugged with the waiter because he'll say, "You want the fat free/guilt free low fat piece of lettuce? Ok" and they're writing it down and I get embarrassed because now everyone at the table knows I'm watching my intake. Of course no one ever says a word; half the time they're not even paying attention. I just hate that I'm drawing attention to the fact that i'm getting something healthy. No one else seems to be struggling with their weight or watching what they get; only me. I am NOT the girl that talks to everyone about my new diet but never loses a pound. To me dieting is a very personal, very private ordeal. I have like, 2 friends I talk to about it. As far as not eating- I'd rather not show than just drink water. Maybe i'm just making excuses for myself (and rambling)...

Anyway, once that experience was over, I came home for a nap. I awoke from the nap to a friend of mine calling...she was here from out of town and on her way to my house. She'd be at my place in 5. I'd been asleep for 2 hours and wasn't necessarily hungry since all I'd done up to this point was awaken for the day, eat a massive house-sized burrito, and then sleep some more; but of course I immediately rolled to In-N-Out with her. It's a Sunday tradition around here; as we were pulling up my roommate called from In-N-Out (inside the store) to see if I wanted her to bring me home anything. Of course the meal wasn't complete without a Neopolitan Shake. If you've never had the Neopolitan Shake at In-N-Out, DON'T GET IT. You will never go back- just trust me on this. I'm not speaking to you subliminely either- I'm serious- don't do it. For the next 5 hours we were rolling around on the living room floor moaning about our full stomachs and doing nothing but watching tv.

Oh I love/hate you.

Polished the night off with a piece of Key Lime Pie that my other roommate made because she hasn't been able to stop thinking about KLP since Marty brought one over this week. So's been an eventful fall off. The interesting thing is that I'm actually pretty hungry right now. I'm kind of happy about it. I'm also sore from my yoga class. Hopefully the damage isn't too bad tomorrow, because as of my weigh in this morning...looks like I'm barely going to scrape by to my goal. I've now had to adjust the goal from 149 by EOM to 150. Ha...let's hope I'm not struggling with 152 AGAIN this week- ugh. I'm sick of the 151.2-152.6 range.

Let a new rampage begin. Night.

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