So much has happened in the last few days- I don't know where to begin.
Tomorrow is weigh in and I'm super nervous. I'm positive I've gained at least 2 pounds this week. It was just a bad week; they happen sometimes. Unfortunately tomorrow I'm going to have to take responsibility for it and I'm nervous to do so. I DON'T want to see the scale go up- I mean, who does? I'm also frustrated with myself because I can't seem to break this good week, bad week cycle.
Also, I know this isn't a dating blog- so I hope none of you get too annoyed when I talk about the things Marty and I do. The thing is- he is a huge part of me being successful, and yet he is also partly responsible for some of my failure- although he doesn't realize it. On one hand he is so great because he encourages me and supports me and tells me I'm beautiful. He calls me to meet up with him to go work out, or better yet, sometimes he picks me up and takes me with him to the gym. Or we go on walks- or we find other ways to motivate each other. He always checks in with me to make sure I'm doing well and asks me about my day. Many times when we go out to dinner, he either tries to pick somewhere healthy for us to eat, or he'll split an entree or dessert with me. On the other hand though, when he needs a buddy to pound dinner- he can take me down in a matter of seconds.
I've tried 3 different times to write out this post- but it's hard because tonight he was asking a lot of questions regarding my blog and twitter. As we continue to spend more and more time together, I can tell he's taking more and more of an interest in the things I'm involved with. Tonight he was giving me suggestions and tips on what I should write about on my blog; previous to tonight he's maybe mentioned my blog on his own I think one time. He never asked about it, I don't think he even remembered I had one, except for the fact that I always bring it up because I always have something I want to tell him. But tonight he was curious and excited and chatty Kathy about it, which means at some point he might read some of my posts. In fact, I'm pretty sure that day is almost here. And as much as I hate to admit it- I'm now swayed as to what I'll write down. No- there is nothing that I would say on my blog that I wouldn't or haven't already said to him. That's not the issue; I love talking to him and find it super refreshing that no matter what I dump on him (crazy freak out on Thursday night anyone?) he takes everything extremely calmly and well. But what if he's part of the problem one day? What if I'm doing super well and then he wants to go pound a 1000+ calorie meal? Trust me, it's happened before. The problem is- these meals don't affect him like they do me. He is taller and more athletic and his body can just handle it. Mine can't. I can't. And if I know he's reading my posts, I know I won't be able to honestly talk about it on my blog. It's a catch 22 in my mind because, while I'm super excited to have him read and support my blog, I also don't want to talk about anything that may upset him.
Ok- well, I'm tired and I know I should delve more- but I'm frustrated with this post and don't want to talk about it anymore. I hope you realize my situation and understand where I'm coming from. Promise to start writing better posts soon...