Navigating Rough Waters...

I'm home for the weekend (Oklahoma)...and things are going ok so far. I've been so excited and so nervous to come home. Excited because my sister just had a baby (litte Wyatt is a week old and SO PRECIOUS), and nervous because being home = eating. ALOT. My whole family just does it all the time, there's nothing else to do here! My mom and I are both on WW, but we're both super slow with it and a little unmotivated. Well- I was unmotivated until this week. This week I've had to work super hard because I kinda got pissed about the binge and the weight gain from last weekend. Sure it was fun- but not really fun enough to sabotage myself. This whole week it's played over and over in my head as I've sweated it out in the gym.

It takes me back to a blog post I read a recently (Jack Sh*t's- Halloween post) where Jack was talking about a dinner party he went to. He said he had prepped all week for an indulgence at that party- and then when he got to the party, the food just didn't look that appetizing. Knowing how hard he'd worked, and how quickly he could put it back on...he just didn't feel like it. Well, I've thought about that post all week- because that's how I'm feeling these days. Nothing edible is worth the ass kicking I've been handing myself lately. I'm sick of this whole mess. I'm getting tired of the up and down rollercoaster I've been on. I want to get out of the 150's and move on with my life. (BTW- I weighed in at home yesterday before I left for OK and I weighed 147.6 w/o my clothes on. Go me! Now if I can just keep it off until Monday...)

Which brings me to Oklahoma. Stress time. I feel like it's too early to have this test- I just decided this week I want to be serious! Let me have a few weeks of good drops first! Let me deal with big meals around Thanksgiving- not now. But no no, it's here and it's now. My dad is planning a huge faux- Thanksgiving tomorrow at his house cause it's the only time we'll all be together. The rest of us will be going separate places for real Thanks and I'll be going to UT for Christmas. So big din tomorrow. Ugh.

So what am I doing about it? I've been mentally practicing. I'm VISUALIZING myself eating small portions and not overeating. I can't actually avoid the food, but the good news is, I talked to him today and we're not eating anything super bad- so if I can do some portion control and eat light for the rest of the day...I should be able to cruise through. It's going to boil down to today's intake too. I'm trying really hard to watch it today so that if I end up splurging a little tomorrow it won't kill me. Today my brother in law was kind enough to take me to the gym because I really wanted to get a work out in. Even though it was only 30 minutes on the treadmill, I took it gratefully. I'm thinking about going on a little run this evening as well to help balance out last night's Chicken Parmesan fiasco at my mom's house. I didn't actually do that bad at dinner (ate small portions and controlled what was happening), it was later...at 1 am, when I couldn't sleep, and I was on the phone with Marty- that I started stuffing the dinner rolls with dripping butter in my mouth. Yeah. I had 2 of them and a cookie before I got a grip on myself. So I'm still feeling a little guilty about that. And I'm still a little worried about what dinner will be tonight...if we even eat here or if we go out to dinner...yikes. But other than that I think I'm fairing well and hopefully can make it through the rest of the weekend without too much damage to the work I've done this week. Let's hope I just make it to 150 at WW on Monday. That's the goal. It's realistic!

Ok- have a great weekend guys! Stay strong!

D