Sunday, January 31, 2010

You're up then you're down...

*****SPOILER ALERT!*****

I am super grumpy- so be warned.

I just got back from a dinner at someone's house from my church. As I walked into the kitchen (at their house) and saw the smorgasboard in front of me, I sighed internally. Not a good sigh. I didn't really want to go to this dinner in the first place, but I had to because I am on a committee and our meeting was taking place over this dinner. The woman who cooked must have slaved and slaved- there was so much food! And DELICIOUS looking foods. We're talking funeral potatoes (aka cheesy potatoes), ham, chicken, several different salads, rice, sweet potatoes, rolls, grapes, pineapple, casseroles of beans and such, etc etc etc. But I'm tired of being in the 140's. I've been busting my butt all week and I actually made it through the last two days really unscathed, and that my friends, was a miracle for me.

I did pretty well, if you ask me. I barely took enough food of each dish that I wanted (not everything on the counter) to equal like, 2 or 3 bites of everything. I tried to position the food on my plate so it looked fuller than it was, and I ate so slowwww to be sure not to finish way before everyone else (since I had the least amount of food and didn't want it to be obvious that I was taking considerably less food than everyone else). I'm not stuffed by any means, I actually feel pretty decent, but of course I came straight in the house and got on the scale and it flew to a number I haven't seen in months and now I'm sulking. You better believe not another morsel will enter my mouth tonight. Plus I have no idea how many calories or points I had, which always makes me feel great. Funny that I only started tracking two weeks ago but I'm already so annoyed when I don't know (and can't really guesstimate) how many points I had. At least I politely declined the take home baggy. :)

I want so badly to lose big this week, but I'm just not feeling like it's going to happen. I don't understand my body. Yesterday I was so far down that I was shocked when I saw the numbers on the scale. I worked out really hard yesterday and had a salad for dinner, I stayed within my points all week except for Wed (and even then I stayed within my flex points range). I've been drinking nothing but water. I've taken all my supplements and eaten all my fruits and veggies. I've worked out everyday except Wednesday. Today the number is higher than i've seen in months. ????? I know I know, you're thinking- why do you keep weighing? Quit weighing! But I like to see that I'm at least in a certain range. As long as I'm within a 2 pound radius, I'm fine. However, when I see the scale literally jump 5 pounds and I haven't done anything that I feel warrants the 5 pound jump, I freak. Which is what is happening right now. Why am I stuck up? I realize I just ate; I also realize that the scale will go down by tomorrow morning (weigh in), but I'm pretty sure it won't be go down more than 2 pounds from my weigh in last week. It seems on the weeks I don't care and even splurge, I lose. And on the weeks I bust my ass and cross all my t's and dot all my i's- I don't lose as much as I would like. I realize that at my size it's going to be slow, and that plateau's may happen a little more frequently (I think I do mini plateau's about every 10 pounds or so), but seriously? Let me drop some pounds! Please!

I just want the process to be faster. I want to lose this weight and not look back. I want to see the results of my hard work, like- faster than what I'm seeing.

Ok- rant over, for now. I'm hanging up to go watch the grammy's and forget about this crap for awhile.



  1. Oh Diz.....when we eat, it looks like we weigh more for a bit. But I know you know this so I won't even say more.

    You're beautiful, and you'll get're right..It just takes time...lots of time.

    I wish I could be faster too, but it's all relative. Chin up babe!

  2. I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I don't even have scales in my home because of that horrible emotional ride that I get on when they're present. Keep doing what you're doing! You WILL reach your goal.