I really should be working right now.
Instead I can't keep away. I've been reading my daily blogs and I'm so inspired right now. So many of my blogger friends are discussing looking and feeling beautiful. So many more are on a positive high, and on a rampage to make their goals. And it just inspires me more and more and fills me with such happiness to see my friends making their own dreams become reality. One has lost 40 lbs and has posted 100 posts. Another just got the P90X and is thrilled to be starting it soon. Another is in the midst of a storyboarding session that would knock your socks off. And yet another has picked a beautiful nail polish color that makes her feel beautiful and confident, and feminine. I love them all!
I mean, I know we all stumble. But I'm just proud to have blogger friends that remind me to get back up and keep going! And 21 pounds later, I'm so happy that I'm still truckin! This summer is going to be amazing. I'm soooooo excited for it. I'm looking forward to this particular summer more than I have looked forward to any other summer in a long time. Because I am so much more comfortable in my skin than I was a year ago at this time. At this time last year I was just in the midst of my highest weight gain since my thyroid issues back when I was 21. I was literally in a panicked frenzy this time last year. I had that desperate crazy look in my eye. You know the one; the look that causes everyone else to back away slowly. Let the fat girl have that plate of cookies- Damn. If you reach for one, she might bite your fingers right off...
But this year is going to be so different. I'm going to be going to the beach this year; not making excuses to stay at home. I'm going to be more social; meet more MEN. I'm going to be cute and sassy and comfortable and FUN!!! I'm going wear cute clothes and cute swimsuits and I'm going to be loving my life. Loving it a lot.
I do have some friends coming into town this weekend from out of state and I've been back and forth on what to do diet wise while they're here. They are dear friends of mine and I'm so excited for them to come- but we've been known to "eat it up" when we get together. In fact, my friend "B" and I still laugh and reminisce of a time when we went to Vegas and I was literally lying on the floor of my friend's pantry, laughing hysterically because we were stuffing so much food in our faces. Our 3rd friend was a little peeved with us because we wouldn't stop eating. It was BAAAAAAAD, yet hilarious to us.
I talked to B this morning and she said something funny- she said, "You know Diz, it's so much less stressful when you're body is working correctly and you're not worried about a lot of weight. You know you can cut back on the stress and just enjoy something here and there". And it's so true! I have REALLY given myself a lot of slack this month. I wanted to lose 5 pounds but it may not happen- not in an entire month! But I'm ok with it, if I don't make it. Can you believe the words I am typing out with my fingers right now??? Maybe it's cause I'm so close to goal, who knows. I've just had a great time with my family and my friends this month, and that is super important to me too (besides looking good). I don't want to look back and remember that I couldn't eat dessert or I was constantly mad at myself because I was so stressed about my weight and my intake. Again, I'm learning to make eating healthy a lifestyle; which means I will make healthy choices. But if I splurge on a treat with my friends, I'm also not going to feel bad. I will work extra hard next week if I have to. I'm ok with that; it's been brutal ever since I got home from OK anyway. Just because of my work schedule and my dates (who doesn't go out to eat on dates? And who wants to be the chick eating salad on their date? NOT ME. As most of you know, this is an area I REALLY STRUGGLE with. Maybe I should make it into a humorous post sometime- my insecurity with food choices on dates because I don't want to be salad girl, yet constantly sabotaging my diet to appear "cool with it" doesn't work either...)
Anyway, i have to get back to work. Wish me luck this weekend- it's going to be a brutal one, and i haven't recovered from OK yet...