Thursday, April 1, 2010

Letting it go..

:(  As one idiot said to me once, "Bummer sandwich!".

I'm having a little bit of a hard day today.  Not because of anything I've done, but just because I'm trying to bring things to an end with "Dan".  The thing is, he's a super great guy.  There are so many great things about him, and he treats me so well.  He really does- I know if I were to pursue this, I would be treated like a queen for the rest of my life.  He already has me on a pedestal.  But I'm just not feeling it in my heart.  I've been trying, really, I have.

I still haven't let him kiss me, and we've been out like 4 or 5 times now.  The sad thing is, I've made him pull back so much, and I'm not able to be myself or give 'anything' at all.  I feel like I can't.  I can't be myself or open up because he might like me even more than he does now, but at the same time, I know it's not fair what I'm doing to him.  Why do I keep going out with him if I can't open up and be myself to him?  He deserves so much more than I can give him.  I just don't know how to cut it off tactfully.  I've never been good at these things; normally I cut and run; I avoid; I hide.  My friends and I do what's called "the fizzle" but I know it's so disrespectful to just fizzle someone out without explaining to them why you're doing it.  And I just can't do it anymore- if I want to be respected and treated right, I have to do the same to others.  Plus it's a really small scene here and I don't want it to be awkward if/when I run into him again.  And I don't want to gain a reputation of taking people's feelings lightly or not seriously at all, because I wouldn't want that done to me.  I want to cause the least amount of pain possible, but I know with these things sometimes the pain is just unavoidable.  It's like ripping off the band aid...sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it.

My biggest problem is I don't know how to bring it up.  We've never really talked about "us" or where we are, because it's still relatively new.  The last time I was at his house watching a movie with him, he tried to kiss me and I turned my head the other way.  When he was taking me home afterwards he told me that I was "worth the wait".  That's the closest we've come to talking about any relationship stuff.  At the time I didn't know what to say so I told him I just wasn't ready to be physical yet.  I don't know how to bring it up again.  Especially because what I'm about to say is bad news.  But he keeps asking me out, and he does a great job of asking early enough in the week that usually I can go.  So I'm going to have to bring it up if I want to end it.  I just don't know how to do it delicately, tactfully, and yet direct enough that it's clear.

Any advice on how to bring it up?  My roommate suggests waiting until he asks me out again, but I feel like it will be even more awkward if I wait for that.  What do you think?


  1. Ewwwww....breaking up sucks.....hang in there....the truth is you respect him enough to want him to have someone that loves him as fully as he would love them. Corny but true.

  2. I think you just gotta tell him how you feel. As tactfully as possibly of course, but dragging it out if you really aren't into it will only make things worse. HUGS. Good luck. I haven't had to deal with that in so long, can't you email him? lol totally what I'd do. Of course I am much better at the written word ;)

  3. i have to admit, i lol'ed at the phrase "bummer sandwich." that was just funny!

  4. Have I missed a post? I don't know anything about this guy or why you don't want to date someone who treats you well. ? You certainly don't have to fill me in, but I can't give an intelligent reply as is. DID I miss a post?

    So confused, Deb

    P.S. Thanks for the sweet comments on my April Fools post, by the way. :D

  5. Yeah, poor Dan is about to get a bummer sandwich from you. But, at the end of the day, you'll have done him a favor by not taking up any more of his time and allowing his feelings to grow. He needs to move on to seek his Ms. Right, because you are somebody else's.

    Just tell him that he's a good friend, but you don't have romantic feelings toward him. They say it all the time on "The Bachelor/ette". You can do it. If the spark isn't there, it just isn't.

    Bummer sandwich is pretty funny....

  6. D, dont wait until he asks you out again. Tell him, honestly, that its something you that been weighing heavily on you. Then be honest with him. Hes awesome, but youre just not feeling the sparks the way you should. Give him a hug. Wish him luck. And dont feel too bad. If dating were easy, we'd all be married by now :)

    However, dont keep him as a friend. Even if he asks. He will pine for you and then it will be awkward. Maybe not at first, but eventually. Trust me. Experience talking here!

    Xo sista!

  7. Bummer Sandwich alright!! Why don't you meet him for coffee and say to him exactly what you've said to us above. I'm sure he'll appreciate your honesty. Good Luck Diz (*_*)

  8. I wish you luck on breaking it off with him. It is just the right thing to do if you can not be yourself and you do not feel like the relationship will go further. I was in the same predicament as you but it took me a long time to break it off which I regret. The earlier the better. good luck!

  9. All great suggestions above. I say be honest and don't wait until the next time. Seize the moment and get it off your chest as soon as possible. I think you will feel better about it.

  10. Diz, I believe painful honesty is the best resort. Tell him that your aren't feeling that connection that you are looking for. Personally I would rather hear that than some not so real junk...good luck sweeetie! And you are amazingly brave! Self honesty is amazingly hard. Sometimes the right thing to do isn't the easiest, but karma and pay it foward will so be in your favor! Plus your heart will be clear!