:( As one idiot said to me once, "Bummer sandwich!".
I'm having a little bit of a hard day today. Not because of anything I've done, but just because I'm trying to bring things to an end with "Dan". The thing is, he's a super great guy. There are so many great things about him, and he treats me so well. He really does- I know if I were to pursue this, I would be treated like a queen for the rest of my life. He already has me on a pedestal. But I'm just not feeling it in my heart. I've been trying, really, I have.
I still haven't let him kiss me, and we've been out like 4 or 5 times now. The sad thing is, I've made him pull back so much, and I'm not able to be myself or give 'anything' at all. I feel like I can't. I can't be myself or open up because he might like me even more than he does now, but at the same time, I know it's not fair what I'm doing to him. Why do I keep going out with him if I can't open up and be myself to him? He deserves so much more than I can give him. I just don't know how to cut it off tactfully. I've never been good at these things; normally I cut and run; I avoid; I hide. My friends and I do what's called "the fizzle" but I know it's so disrespectful to just fizzle someone out without explaining to them why you're doing it. And I just can't do it anymore- if I want to be respected and treated right, I have to do the same to others. Plus it's a really small scene here and I don't want it to be awkward if/when I run into him again. And I don't want to gain a reputation of taking people's feelings lightly or not seriously at all, because I wouldn't want that done to me. I want to cause the least amount of pain possible, but I know with these things sometimes the pain is just unavoidable. It's like ripping off the band aid...sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it.
My biggest problem is I don't know how to bring it up. We've never really talked about "us" or where we are, because it's still relatively new. The last time I was at his house watching a movie with him, he tried to kiss me and I turned my head the other way. When he was taking me home afterwards he told me that I was "worth the wait". That's the closest we've come to talking about any relationship stuff. At the time I didn't know what to say so I told him I just wasn't ready to be physical yet. I don't know how to bring it up again. Especially because what I'm about to say is bad news. But he keeps asking me out, and he does a great job of asking early enough in the week that usually I can go. So I'm going to have to bring it up if I want to end it. I just don't know how to do it delicately, tactfully, and yet direct enough that it's clear.
Any advice on how to bring it up? My roommate suggests waiting until he asks me out again, but I feel like it will be even more awkward if I wait for that. What do you think?