Thursday, April 29, 2010

Random River of Consciousness..

Move is happening: I don't know when.  We were supposed to move in tonight, but the girl that was living there previously moved out late, so we got pushed back.  Meanwhile, my current landlord wants us out by the 1st or we have to start paying rent again.  The carpet cleaners are cleaning tonight, and the cable crew comes tomorrow, and I'll be lucky to get to start moving tomorrow night.  Of course I have to wait for the carpets to dry before I can start moving in.  Carpet cleaners are coming for the old place on Saturday morning at 9, so it doesn't give us a large window of time to get stuff moved.  I'm so THANKFUL that this is all happening on the weekend though...I'd have a meltdown if I had to try to juggle work with all of this too.  I have to take a small tv and my laptop over there tomorrow afternoon so I can be there for them to install the internet and cable, otherwise I have to wait for another WEEK.  (I'm sitting in starbucks now...just sucked down a caramel frappuccino faster than you can suck in your next breath).  Aaaahhh...the joys of moving.  I still don't have movers to help me move...TOMORROW NIGHT.  Kill me now.  If I don't find someone by the end of the day with a truck, I'm going to have to pay professional movers...which will cost me another $100 or so...nbd.  Did I mention I'm broke?

I was driving around today, doing my job, when I realized it was noon and I wasn't really hungry.  At the time, I realized it had been about 3 or 4 hours since my last intake (I say intake because what I ate wasn't really breakfast...but two snacks hurriedly eaten together as I ran out the door this morning).  Normally I'm starving around 3-4 hours.  I started thinking...and realized, the reason I wasn't hungry is because I've been eating like such CRAP that I'm back to that place.  The place where you're never really hungry.  You never really get full, and you never really get hungry...you just mill around until it's time to eat again, and then you do.  It's not the healthy- 'my body is empty and needs more nourishment' hungry, it's that, 'it's time to eat because it's time to eat and I hate everything you're putting in this body' hungry.  You know, the hunger you get after you've been eating fast food for three days hungry.  Not healthy hungry.  Do you know the difference?  I do.  I hate this type of hungry.  So what did I do?  Drive thru.  Gotta keep this crap feeling alive and well!!!! :)

Just for the record- I don't really care about looking pregnant in the last picture I posted.  I mean, if it were like that on a regular basis, I'd be irate.  And add the crap feeling I feel today (from eating like garbage), and I'd be depressed.  I was borderline depressed when I went through the drive thru, but then I decided to just get over it until Sunday (once I'm moved and can go grocery shopping cause I'll have a fridge again to put food in).  Someone commented yesterday that I will lose it again, and it's true.  That's the main thing getting me through right now, is that I know myself, and I know I don't like this feeling, so I won't let it last longer than it has to.  So I've been looking at that picture continually and giggling.  I look pregnant! Hahahaha- why this is so funny to me I don't know.  Maybe cause I've never been pregnant and would secretly love it (or at least I think I would).  I appreciate all of your support though, your comments really made me feel better and swear off empire waisted shirts FOREVER.  Except that they look so much better on my body... (I just have that body type, but who cares...this argument isn't helping my cause)

I know this post is random, I don't have much to tell- except it's the end of the month and I'm slammed with work, moving, and being broke.  I need $150...anyone got any good ideas on how I can come up with the money?  I just sold my electric dryer on craigslist for $50- so now i'm just sitting around trying to figure out how I can come up with another $100 so I can pay all of my bills. :)  Ahhhhhh the joys of LIFE.  The good news is, it's only $100 more...hopefully someone calls me soon for a massage or two so I can make the money back.  And I have a whole week until I get paid!  But I've learned to live like a pauper when I need to. ;)

Now I am officially rambling.  Done.

D

9 comments:

  1. I can't wait until you're all moved in and settled....I think you'll get back on track fast! Smooches.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yikes Diz! I would be stressing too but try to remember to be good to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Diz - I sent you an email! Did you get it?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Only a few more days....you can make it through..xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate it when things get turned upside down and you have to start over creating a new normal. Glad you have a place here to get it out. Things will normalize soon. Make a list - it may help you feel more in control. And meds are good:)

    ReplyDelete
  6. i can so relate to that feeling, Diz. when i stop eating healthy food, i really think it confuses my body. i no longer crave protein in the form of tuna and hummus, but in snickers!

    praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Im thinking about you darling :) Hope your weekend is going smoothly.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You can sell that "preggo" looking blouse on ebay! *wink*

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey, Diz. There's a little something on my blog for you. don't panic. not much work required. :) Deb

    ReplyDelete