I know it's been a long time since I've written anything; to tell you the truth, I've been in a huge funk for the last couple of days. I know, I have nothing to be in a funk about. My life is awesome- I'm moved into the most fabulous new apartment with an awesome girl and I have an awesome job and I live in the most awesome place alive. Only I don't feel "awesome". I feel like crap.
I attribute this funk to two things:
1) My room. It's the biggest factor in the funk. I don't like my new room, and it's causing me a little anxiety. I live in such a beautiful place, and I hate the one area that is MINE. So I called my new landlord today to ask if I could paint, hoping that a new color helps me. The walls right now are fugly white. Everything is washed out because the white kills any hope of color; of life. I. HATE. IT. I've also taken some time to visualize what I want the room to look like (where I want the furniture, what type of furniture I want, etc). I decided during the move to get rid of my old furniture, and am in the process of picking out new pieces. Because the room is so small, it's been a trip trying to find pieces I like that fit in the room, but I think I've finally found what will work for me. The landlord said I could paint as long as I paint it back to white when I move out. AND I have to get the color approved. It seems like a lot of work, especially since I just moved and have already done a lot of work. But it's also crucial for me to love my living space. It's the one room in all of the whole wide world that is mine and I need it to be a place that I love and can relax in. It needs to be a space that I want to be in. Stark white, wash-me-out walls aren't doing it. So I think I'm going to get the color approved and have a painting party for the weekend and create a new space I love!
2) I'm off my routine. NR (new roomie) is home when she's not working (she is a flight attendant) so it throws me off a little having someone around all day. It used to be that the old roommate worked in LA, so she was NEVER home. So I wasn't chatting in the middle of the day and going to work out or go to Walmart with her. I loved/hated it. I love having NR around, it's so fun to have a buddy all day, but I'm not used to it and it's slowly starting to throw me off my game. I feel like as soon as my room is set- I can close my door and get my work done. NR will respect that I'm working when my door is closed, I have no concerns about that. I just need to get #1 taken care of so #2 falls into place. Maybe #2 won't fall into place as easy as I'm hoping, but I think it will.
I need to get back into my routine- today I felt so fat and disgusting as I was getting ready for work. I don't like the way I'm feeling- I eat junk all day and haven't been to the gym since last Thursday. I don't want this whole week to go to waste because I'm having anxiety about my room. Working out and eating healthy brings me peace and calmness. I've really noticed a difference in my energy levels and my happiness/mood levels since I flew off track, which is good, because I now know that the more I am working on my fitness/health, the more comfortable it is to me and the better I feel about myself. I love it!!
I also want to say quickly thank you to all of you who have sent me emails of support and words of encouragement on my blog- you know who you are. I am so grateful that I can come to this little blog-o-sphere and find something normal that I used to know- especially since my life feels so upheaved and out of sorts. It seems this is one of the last places I would think would bring me comfort, and yet reading your blogs and knowing life is normal everywhere else is bringing me some kind of comfort. My life WILL get back to normal soon, I know it. Thank you. And thank you for your kind words to me while I'm trying to get things sorted out. I love you all so much!!!!