I finally went to Weight Watchers today and weighed in...
*****drum roll please*****
I gained 5 pounds. Ha. I'm not surprised in the least, I was actually surprised it wasn't more. I'm okay with it because according to my little black weigh in book, it's been a month since my last weigh in (by a day) and I knew I was going to be up anyway. I can see it everywhere on my body when I look in the mirror. I feel it everywhere too, esp in my belly and back (SICK). At least now I know how much it officially was. Sigh- here we go again...
I'm still not motivated at all to work out or eat healthy. I weighed in hoping that would jump start a desire...no, it didn't. I feel like crap- yes, from all of the sugar consumption that has happened over the last two weeks, and yet I continue. This morning NR made me throw away all of the candy I've been hoarding. I've had 2 big bags of m&m's, a bag of sour patch gummy's, 2 bags of cheetoh's, pizza, and 2 bean burrito's to eat this week, plus a few bites of chicken salad. Obviously not the healthiest stuff to eat. Because of the sugar, I'm able to go long periods without eating again, which is so unhealthy, mind you. I'm just reminded over and over that my liver has to process all of that junk and because it's all garbage, it takes a long time to sort through it, vs when I eat healthy and my body can just process right through and I'm hungry again in 2 hours. I am exhausted. My insides ache. I have no energy whatsoever. My TOM is here and it's the worst I've had in months. Super bad cramps, heavy, achy...the whole song and dance plus some. NR asked me why I haven't popped any Ibuprofen yet (this is the third day of the most horrible cramps of my life) and I told her cause I'm sadistic- I know it's this bad because of all of the junk I've been inhaling and I feel like I should pay the price- not make my poor little liver pay for it. My liver pays for everything. I figured I'd give it a break since it's really not getting a break anyway, it has to process all of that crap. UGH. She looked at me like I am insane, and I think I might be. I mean, who doesn't want to work out and eat healthy and feel great all the time? Who chooses sugar overdoses for 2 weeks straight, plus some and likes to feel like crap every second of every day (this isn't even TOUCHING the guilt that is associated with this food)?
Other than me and my body being at war (we're not on the same side, obvi), everything else is pretty good. My house is finally coming together and is so cute. I still don't like my room but I've been making progress in picking out a color to paint the walls. Part of me just wants to get new bedding instead...it seems easier than painting the walls (but yet more expensive). I have a dresser picked out that i want but am having a hard time pulling the trigger in buying it even though I need it so bad because I'm living out of a plastic box and I hate hate HATE it (was that a run on sentence or WHAT!?). I'm just reluctant because I have no money and would like to save up a little first. Whichever comes first I guess...right? Either I'll go insane and buy the dresser for sanity's sake, or I'll be able to save a little money first...which would then end up going towards something else like a random bill that will pop up, so I still won't buy the dresser (another run on, I'm AWESOME today). Either one is fine.
Ok friends, I have a headache and need to finish up my work before the weekend. Plus now that I've officially weighed in, I'm going to have to go back to the gym sometime soon. The weather is so beautiful today, I wish it was motivating me to go for a run...alas, it is not.
There's the truth, my friends. The ugly truth.