The last post was not about my actual inability to lose weight. It was me circling the drain, trying to figure out what was down in the drain. Or, in other words, the last post had more to do with my FEAR than with my ability or inability to lose weight.
I have started to realize in the last few weeks that I operate a lot out of fear. Fear of losing my job keeps me working. Fear of gaining weight keeps me motivated to eat right. Fear of rejection keeps me from flirting with cute guys. Fear of failing keeps me from trying new things. Fear of judgment keeps me from sharing my beliefs. Fear. Fear. Fear. What has helped me realize that I operate out of fear? The closer I get to the # 143, the more I feel fear. Fear that I won't succeed past it. Fear that I'll be stuck at that number forever.
But I don't want to operate out of fear anymore...especially now that I'm starting to recognize that FEAR is what is holding me back from the life I really want. Whether it's being skinny, or being successful at work, or being happy...why do I let fear hold me back?
As I was thinking about fear this morning and my last post, this scripture came into my head: "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" 2 Timothy 1:7-8
What does that mean...If I were to let go of my fear and learn to operate from a different stand point? God has not given me the spirit of fear. But of POWER. Stop and let that settle in for a minute. God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of POWER...I mean, what are things I could accomplish if I were to let go of my insecurities and fears and actually go for something with a full heart, full mind: full throttle?
I went straight into my room and read the quote by Nelson Mandella that I love and have posted on my blog before, but will post again for convenience's sake (for you, my reader):
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I
to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, or fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightening about
shrinking so other people won't feel
so insecure around you.
We are born to manifest
God's glory within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And, as we let our light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear
our presence automatically liberates others.
Nelson Mandella, 1994 Inaugural Speech
I italicized the parts of the quote that have really sunk in deep this time around. What you are witnessing on my blog is a transformation. Diz is transforming from operating out of FEAR into POWER. It may take awhile, I've only been thinking about it a few weeks now, as I've gotten closer to 143 and it's become more and more apparent that this is what I'm doing.
I hope that helped clarify the last post a little better. Thank you all for your comments, as you know, I LOVE getting comments and welcome them always. And thank you for reading.
D
Funny, that's the scripture than came to mind when I started reading your post. I battle with fear a lot too. Slowly overcoming it. Love the Mandella quote, awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Diz, I DID hear the fear--but I got tangled in the other parts of the post and forgot about it when I wrote the comment. I'm glad you clarified for us! :D
ReplyDeleteThat Scripture--a curious thing--in some versions of the Bible, the phrase "sound mind" is translated "self-discipline."
And, I LOVE that Mandela quote. Just love it.
It is so true--I need to grab hold of that.
Re: fear. If you recall my "freedom" posts, you will remember I talk about living without fear. Fear cripples us and it is so unnecessary. And, yet, it is so hard to break free from it--and to stop allowing fear to be the referee of our actions.
Sounds like a goal to me--moving towards freedom! "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free!" Wahoo!
Deb
I went back and read the questions in your previous post. Very smart of you to track all of this conflict within you to fear. Now you can use your knowledge to make different choices.
ReplyDeletePOWER UP, Diz! The quote from NM is awesome. Thanks for sharing.
When you started quoting Mandela I was thinking about this quote of his that I have written down and it was THE LAST 2 SENTENCES.. hahahahha.. I never heard the whole speech before so thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI think most of us start to fear where we're heading and then fear going back to where we were after losing weight, and who we might become once everything in our lives starts changing. I know I've sabotaged myself on occasion, you're wise to have pinpointed it so accurately. And you do have the power (that sounded like He-man) You rock sista!
love those quotes, Diz. and i love the title of this post!! thank you for sharing your life!
ReplyDeleteIt's awesome to watch you recognize this and face it. You can move forward, and you will continue to...I have no doubt about that.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of the changes I see taking place in the minds of the women who's words I've been reading lately. The bravery it takes to expose, not only to the world, but to themselves, their deepest fears and struggles. We are all victors! And, Diz, you have just touched something in me that has brought me to tears. And you and I (and many others who have read these words today) will begin to walk out of a life of fear and flourish! Thank you.
ReplyDelete