Friday, February 5, 2010

I take it all back, Binge isn't over yet.

Yes, I'm posting again, 2x's in one day. I seem to really need my blog this week, especially today.

Today was another FAIL. Again, got up promising myself that I would have a grip on the situation, but I still don't seem to have it. Had about 4 points left, and decided to have pizza because it's raining outside and I don't want to go buy something. I have GOT to start cooking and making healthier things. I go shopping and all I buy is snack food, so then when it's time to eat, I have to go out to buy something. I eat fast food all the time, and I'm sick of it all. Why am I the laziest girl alive? I LOATHE cooking. NOTHING about it sounds appealing to me, it just sounds like work. A lot of work. Even healthy yummy food just sounds like too much effort. So what do I do? I eat out, all day, every day pretty much. Every day I'm eating either Subway, Jersey Mike's, Carl's Jr (the bbq chicken sandwich is 5 points, and their new salads aren't half bad), Mother's kitchen (healthy dishes in the deli, but dishes I eat all the time and am bored with), Soup Plantation's saladbar (SOOOOO expensive- I'm sick of spending the money on their salad bar even though I love it so much), Round Table Pizza's Salad Bar (again, ridiculously expensive), Chipotle, El Polo Loco's chicken soft taco, or Jack In the Box (usually I go here in the morning when I'm in a hurry- I always get the breakfast jack for 6.5 points). Occasionally there are other places I frequent, but those are the main culprits. I also stop a lot at grocery stores and get dishes out of their deli's (this is what I do at Mother's, Albertson's, Von's...basically any grocery store that has a deli). The deli is usually pretty cheap (usually around 2-3 bucks) and more healthy than fast food. But I'm getting so bored with all of it! All of it! Today I was driving around trying to find something to satiate my hunger that was healthy, and I could find nothing. So what did I do? Pizza. I smelled some when I got home (someone around here ordered some), and it was over. No work out again today. Had all intentions of going but I've just been too lazy. Now of course I'm too full. No idea when this death binge will be over.

The weird thing is, even though I'm kind of bummed that this is happening so soon after my rampage really started, I'm not that mad at myself. I mean, I'm a little disappointed, but I also seem to know that it happens sometimes. I don't know when the reality of the situation is going to hit me- maybe when I weigh in on Monday and see that I've gained everything back that I lost last week. UGH. I'll be so pissed.

The other thing I've noticed is that I'm slowly starting to fall into a mild depression. I don't know if it's the binge but I'm assuming it is. I'm just bored and lonely, but I don't want to be around anyone else right now. I just want to go grocery shopping and get some ice cream. And then go to a movie. Happy Friday.



  1. i've only been reading you a short while, but i enjoy your story, and you're inspiring to me! you sure don't care to get down into a tough workout, and i admire and aspire to that! get yourself out of this slump- you can do it! it'll be summer before you know it. :)

  2. Okay Diz...I'm back! Don't make me go over there and kick your butt all the way to the gym! ;) You've worked so hard, and there are days (sometimes more than a day) when we feel like we have just messed around too much. But today can be new. And it will be good if you make it good so do your best.

    Here's the thing babe...sometimes, heck, often times we have to do things we don't want to do to get the results we want. This is the story of my life sometimes, but the pay off has been phenomenal. At this time last year, I would have told you I hate to cook - honestly. But now I don't mind it so much. I'm still lazy sometimes. And I still eat out A LOT. But I cook at home a few times a week, and the food I make tastes totally awesome. It's not too hard either. I'll give you a few recipes when you decide you want them.
    The same statement applies to the gym. I have to exercise whether I feel like it or not. Period. On the days that I drag myself there at least I'm happy that I went when I'm done.
    Here's how I look at it. I'd rather be sad about skipping pizza once in a while or forcing myself to cook something than to be depressed about how I look and feel about myself.
    You are not a quitter, and you are certainly not a failure so pick yourself up whether you want to or not, and make the changes you need to make to see good results on the scale (and in your head) by next week.
    Heart you..!