Friday, February 5, 2010

TGIF's post is a hodge podge of my thoughts about my weight loss this week.

I guess I should start off by mentioning that I crashed and burned at the bridal shower last night. I don't know what happened, I had gum and was fine, and then someone dipped an apple slice in the caramel and suddenly I wanted one too. Then, once I had the apple, the better than sex cake looked good, so I had 2 bites. Then a sugar cookie, then more better than sex cake. Then pretzels, pretzels, and more pretzels. Follow the pretzels by carrots dipped in ranch and then a cupcake...and the rest is a blur. I'm not sure how much I had, but it was bad. The sad thing was, I wasn't even hungry, having dinner right before. I proceeded to leave the party with a stomach-ache. I came home and looked towards the weekend with terror. Because in my mind, since everything has been blown, why keep trying? Luckily, I don't have any sweets here so I didn't come home and continue the binge, because there was nothing to binge on.

Then this morning I woke up and weighed myself. Up a pound and a half. Yay. I was walking around the house feeling particularly fat and sulky when suddenly my mind snapped to this thought: "Diz- you need to finish the week strong. You can't quit now just because you had two bad days." So what if this week is blown? Sometimes it's more about finishing the race, then finishing the race in first place. I have to remind myself (yet again) that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Of course I want to finish first just like everyone else. But sometimes it's out of our power to finish first, but that doesn't mean we just give up and walk off the course. You run a marathon for yourself, not to beat everyone else. I lose weight for me, not for everyone else. So it doesn't matter when I cross the finish line, as long as I keep running. Losing weight, and keeping it off ultimately, takes time. You're changing yourself- hopefully permanently. Of course there are slip ups; of course there are "snap backs" to the old days when you were a crazy binger...did you really think you'd never snap back to those days? It's who you were for so long! Or maybe I should say- it's who I was for so long. Now I'm trying to change that; but I cannot be perfect every second of every day. I can't worry about Sunday til Sunday is here- right now I need to focus on having a great day today, and a great day tomorrow. Even if I gained a pound and a half, and EVEN IF Sunday is Superbowl Sunday and there are endless treats and goodies all around, it doesn't mean I give up today and tomorrow and feel horrible by Monday. I can still control today and tomorrow, and until Sunday, I will do just that.

So I'm trying to get back on the wagon. I was just looking at pictures of friends from a cruise on Facebook and the terror of everyone wearing swimsuits set in again. I am NOT ready for a swimsuit now, or anytime soon. If my little thought of sanity this morning didn't snap me back into reality, the pictures of everyone in swimsuits did. When I look at pictures like that, I straddle the border between working harder than ever, and thinking, "you'll never get there D, so what's the point". Today I am going to choose to ignore the voice, and go with the workout. I'll feel better when it's over and I have done what I needed to do- whether I see the results right away or not.


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