Thank you all, seriously, so much for the encouraging words. I seriously love and appreciate your words so much.
Of course, this is another confessional post. Why do I do this to myself? Is it about every 3 days now, or every 4? I swear. Every time I really start to make progress, I sabotage myself. But why? I have eaten so bad today- SO BAD, that even as I type this out, my stomach is kicking me in protest and anger. It's so full and so bloated, and yet somehow food keeps finding it's way into my mouth. A whole week's worth of work is slowly chewing its way to the bottom of the pit that is my stomach right now. Hopefully this confession will help me stop.
So I've had a request to talk about the "dates"...haha...The boy(s)...(I have a few of them "in the works" right now) are very exciting and entertaining right now. I love/hate dating. One of the things I love is getting to really know a man and what he is about. I love the electricity you feel when you first see a man that you're getting to know and are attracted to, and you feel the excitement of the moment because you know you're going to be with him for the next few hours having good conversation and just enjoying your time with him. I love to see what drives a man and what makes him who he is. I love to see him in him element, and how he is out of it. I love to see his strengths, and what makes him unique from other men. Every single one is so different from the next! I also love seeing how he handle's himself and how he treats me. I just find men as a species separate from women as so interesting, exciting, and fun. One of these new ones (we'll call him Aaron), I really admire and am almost intimidated by. He is the strong, silent type. He is so sexy. :) And so disciplined! He is training for a triathlon right now. Yesterday he came over for a massage and when I asked him what he needed extra work on, he said (oh so casually), "My legs really need extra attention today. I rode my bike 20 miles yesterday and then 20 today plus a 6 mile run up the canyon in Laguna so they're tired". Don't worry, he doesn't have a stitch of fat anywhere on his heavenly body.
It intimidates me a little, I'm not going to lie. While I do find him very attractive, I am afraid. One thing I loved so much about Marty is that weight never was an issue to him. I thought at first it was just a ploy to get me to go out with him, but I truly believe now after 6 months of spending so much time with him that he really didn't worry about the 20 pounds I was so desperately trying to lose. Even at my heaviest he told me I was stunningly beautiful almost every time I saw him. He was more interested in enjoying food and spending time with me than worrying if I was going to gain more- and I will always be so grateful to him for how he helped me realize that he liked me for me, big or small. It changed the way I felt about myself, because I met Marty in my biggest moment, when I was crying in church one day about how fat I thought I was. He came right up to me and asked me where Sunday school was; flirting and smiling the whole time. And he wasn't fazed in the least...in fact, it took 15 pounds before he even commented on my weight loss. I just hope this one will be the same way, but when I see how hardcore someone is with their own body, I tend to believe that they are not as lenient on other people either, does that make sense? I know, I need to find someone that loves me no matter what, and I will. I know I will end up with someone like that, but I don't know at this point where he is or when he'll show up. Could be Aaron, could be the next guy after Aaron.
Next time I'll have to tell you about "Dan", the other guy I've been seeing as well. Yes, there are currently 2 of them. :) I'm on a rampage ladies! The more the merrier right now...right?
BTW, I popped a piece of gum in my mouth right now to keep away from the food. Tomorrow, rampage back on. Wish me luck!