You can have it all.

Well, I might've resisted pizza two nights ago, but I sure didn't resist it today when I was at Costco with the new roomie.  Today was HORRIBLE (yet again).  I got up this morning and explained to her kindly that I had to go to WW for weigh in (slept through my normal meeting so was trying to make the 11 o'clock, which also happens to be the last weigh in of the day on Saturdays here), but of course we were house hunting and I missed weigh in.  So what do I do?  Get pizza and a churro at Costco.  It's been like, 6 hours and I'm still not even hungry.  I think I've hit a new low in my diet- I've been eating so bad and I only worked out once this week and I can feel it in my body.  I feel so fat and gross.  Just gross.  It's not super obvious on my body yet (I'm sure I am the only one that can tell), but my pants are already tighter and my face is fatter (it always shows up in my belly and face first. UGH).  And I can feel it.  Anything little thing I eat and I'm instantly full and sluggish and want to lay down.  I feel heavy.

It's okay though- I think/hope we found "the place" today and the sheer lift of the stress that has been hovering causes me to forgive this hellish week immediately.  Of course I really wanted to drop down (possibly to goal) for the conference but at this point I'm just so grateful to have possibly found a home that I just don't care about the struggle I've been having.  I can say though that I'm glad it's over; and I'm also super happy to know that I recognize that I feel so much better when I work out and eat healthy.  I can honestly say that all of the struggle to get here was worth it (weight wise); I've had to climb this hill to a healthier me and it's paying off- I can feel it in my body and I recognize it and I LIKE being healthy.  I LIKE the way I feel when I work out and eat clean, yummy, lean foods.  I don't like the way I feel right now, and I hope I always remember this so I don't ever fall back into this horrible lifestyle again.  I haven't enjoyed one second of it...even as I've been putting the foods in my mouth, there was no enjoyment in it anymore...which I think is good.  I am growing...I am learning...I am becoming a healthier girl, and I love that.

The new place is FABULOUS too, I must say.  I don't want to say very much about it right now because I'm trying not to think about it too much or get my hopes too high (we can't do the paperwork til Monday...so until it's in writing that it's ours...there will continue to be a little bit of anxiety).  But so far things look really good and both me and the NR (new roomie) are super stoked.  Things are finally looking up!

I can also say that I feel like I've learned a huge lesson this month.  Last week the NR and I found this perfect little townhouse and we both immediately wanted it.  It had EVERYTHING we were looking for (washer and dryer hook ups, dual master bedrooms with dual master bathrooms...both of which were huge), balconies off of the dual master bedrooms, super high/vaulted ceilings (which made the place feel even larger), huge walk in closets, an enclosed patio in the front, a two car garage in the back, 3 bathrooms, huge windows with lots of light, a fabulous ocean breeze, new carpets, etc etc etc.  We wanted it immediately- we were super stoked.  But we told the lady that we were going to think about it for a few hours and call her back (she had 6 people she said that had already turned in applications, but if we put down a deposit she would give it to us- she liked us and could tell we had our stuff together).  The only 2 things that were on the downside- 1)The price was a little steep.  She came down $300 from what the other townhomes were renting for, and even though we could afford it, I was a little uncomfortable because as you guys know, I'm trying to get out of debt and save money.  This place would not let me get these things done as quickly because it was $350 more than what I'm paying now.  The other problem was, 2) that it wasn't quite in the part of town I wanted to be in.  While it was still in downtown Huntington Beach, as crazy as it sounds, it wasn't on the side of downtown I wanted to be in. Haha, so picky!  We talked about it, gave ourselves a few hours to think about it, and then came back together and decided to wait a little longer and keep looking.  Even today while we were driving around, we were talking about it because it literally had everything else we were wanting, and we still weren't convinced we'd made the right decision to let it go.  Especially this morning- I told NR that today was it. We had 5 appts set up and if we couldn't find 'the place' at the end of today- I was done looking and we needed to go to my landlord and ask if we could stay longer. And she was okay with that because she's been looking for 3 weeks too and we're tired of the stress.  Everyday we've been consumed with looking at apartments and housing.

Well, our very last appt was the one.  We couldn't tell right away, but once we got inside, we knew.  The funny thing is, this apartment is the exact same set up as Marty's apartment and it's only 4 blocks from his place.  So I told NR when we first got to it (and we were waiting for the lady to come show it to us), I think it's the same as Marty's, and if it is, he has a great place and I'd be super stoked.  He has washer and dryer hook ups, a 2 bed/2bath, a balcony, a garage...all of the things we want (in downtown HB a lot of the places are older and so most of them have 'laundry on site'...not in the apartment, but I really want washer/dryer hookups because I own my own machines).  Well, this place was the same as Marty's but 100 times better than his.  It is all completely renovated (granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, huge tuscan style tiles in the kitchen, a balcony, 2 huge bedrooms, washer and dryer hook ups, a fireplace, lots of light) and it's $250 cheaper than the townhouse!  And it's right in the location I wanted; I couldn't ask for a better spot.  It has plenty of parking, it's literally 5 blocks from the ocean, and it's on a street called "Palm"...which is a street that is lined on both sides with palm trees that are super tall and beautiful.  I love it.  (And I said I wasn't going to say too much!).  The lesson that I took away?  That if you are willing to be patient and keep at it...you will get what you want.  God will bless you.  He will.  You can have everything you want in this life- you just have to be patient and keep looking (working/ trying/ etc).  This was seriously huge to me, because we wanted that townhouse so bad but just couldn't justify paying so much money for it.  And now this place is even better and closer to the water and CHEAPER!!  I love it.  So whether you're waiting for the right guy (I'm saying this to myself as well), or you're waiting to be the right size, or you're waiting for the perfect place to live- you can find it if you're willing to keep trying.

Ok, this post is getting too long.  I'll shut it down tonight- thanks for reading!

D