Well friends, I just want you to know I'm exhausted today. Why? Because I was up til 3 am cutting ties with Dan. I am NOT going to the concert this weekend. We're not even talking for a few weeks so that both of us can get some air. When we do speak again, it will be as friends only- he understands and supports my decision.
After several hours of explaining ourselves, he tried to convince me to still come to the concert and even though everything was finally resolved and the pressure was lifted, I kept to my guns and said no. I explained to him that I needed to commit to a decision and this was the decision I made (thank you Genie). It felt good to stick up for my feelings and myself, and even though he wasn't 100% happy with my choice, he finally told me he agreed with me that my decisions were for the best.
So I'm finally at peace with this particular situation. One thing I mentioned to him during the 5 hour marathon talk was that about a month or so ago, I was really working on my goals and I was working on learning to just be happy. At some point within the last few weeks I have wandered from that path, and all I have felt for the last month is anxiety and stress. I'm not angry about it because I know that that's what I've chosen to focus on, but I don't like my life when it's like this. I've been off my routine; I'm learning about myself and my triggers and what I need to stay focused. While he didn't understand exactly what I was talking about, I know you guys do, because you've been on the ride with me (somewhat I know my posts have been sporadic). So that has become my goal for May. Focusing back on happiness and peace- not on boys; not on my new apartment and what it can do for me (even though it is important to feel at peace in your environment); not on how much money I do or don't have. I want to enjoy my life again, because it's so wonderful and I have too many things that are so great in it.
So there's my goal for May. Find my inner peace and happiness again. Focus on saving money, working out, praying and pondering the beauty in my life and how blessed I am. That's the goal...