Nostalgic.

Went to weigh-in this morning, proud to report I'm still a fat ass.  Maintained the exact same weight this week as last week- no drop here.  5 freaking pounds! UGHHHHHH.  No surprise either as I haven't been eating great and I haven't worked out.  Does it help that I went to Outback last night and pounded steak before weigh in?  Of course not, but did that stop me?  Of course not.

Speaking of Outback, I had my date last night with Larry.  Here's the rundown:  He's super nice, good looking, and has his act together.  Obvi all bonuses.  He's a catch!  He was so polite and did everything by the book as far as opening my door, paying, etc.  He made me laughing within the first 5 minutes.  He said nothing negative and found things to compliment me on, which is always WONDERFUL.  I love a man that's hip to what he needs to do and brings his 'A game'.  It took me a while to crack the exterior 'prim and proper' shell he had set up, but once we got passed all of the superficiality in the beginning, he really turned out to have a lot of substance and more depth than I anticipated, which was a nice surprise.  He's very attractive:  Blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic build (a little on the skinny side and a little short, but overall in great shape).  He has a great job and owns a condo in Irvine (which is huge, since housing out here is so expensive no one ever buys at our age, so I was super impressed that not only does he have a condo, but he's had it for about 10 years now AND he has a great job).  We had great conversation all night and never had lulls in the conversation.  Like I said, took about an hour or so to push passed the initial layer, but once we got into more personal and specific topics and he started to relax a little, things were great.  Overall I can't say one bad thing about it.

But when I got home I laid in my bed and started missing Marty.  Of course it didn't help that Marty sent me a super sweet text yesterday- he does that occasionally when something reminds him of me.  All of these dates are fun and I love keeping the energy up and dating lots of boys and having little late night rendezvous and all of it; but I'm not super interested in any of these guys and it makes me miss Marty, or the memory/fantasy of Marty sometimes.  I'm sure you're thinking...what the...you just said all of these great things about this guy, why don't you like him?  He sounds great!  Of course he sounds great- they all do.  I could give you a full download on how great Dan was too, or Allen, or Aaron, or Chuck (ok, made the last one up).  I honestly don't think I'm still hung up on Marty, seriously I don't.  I've never been happier to be broken up with someone, but finding a new person that you really connect with like the last one, or better, can be hard.  I don't want to bag on Larry because he's a great guy, but I wasn't feeling "it" either.  I have to keep looking; continue dating.  I know one date shouldn't tell you all of this- I know what you're thinking- give it time.  Eh...I'm done giving everything so much time.  You know in the first 5 minutes of talking to someone whether you're attracted to them or not.  Why should I keep pushing myself past that and giving every single guy I meet "more time"?  It's not natural, is it?  NR warned me this morning not to let the same mistakes that happened with Dan happen with Larry or I'm going to gain a reputation, and I know she's right.  I have a hard time letting these guys know I'm not interested, because not only do I not want to hurt them, I want them to feel special because there are women out there who want them.   And I enjoy the attention they give me!  I love being treated so great- most of the men I've gone out with in the last few years have been super gems and have been so respectful and treated me so well.  I just haven't connected with most of them they way I want to.  I don't think it's a fantasy I'm shooting for either because I've had it; It's something I've felt before- Love.  And I know I'll feel it again.  In the meantime, I'm still going to have lots of fun.  I'm still going to go on lots of dates and keep the momentum going.

Which also means I need to get my ass in gear and keep working out and get back on track because I'll tell you right now that the way I'm feeling lately is NOT in correspondence with all the work I've been doing for the previous months to get me to this point.  But now I'm coming full circle.  Time for a nap.

D