Friday, July 30, 2010

Just a love handle...


There's good news, and not so good news.  We'll start with the good.

I finally had a little make out last night.  GOT SOME! :)  A good friend of mine that I've known for 5 or so years is in town for the X games and he called me a few days ago to see if we could meet up.  He wanted to get sushi.  He always calls me when he's here.  We went down to the beach and cuddled on one of the lifeguard lookout stands while watching the waves and the last minute stragglers looking for treasures, until beach patrol came and kicked everyone off the beach.  WE didn't get kicked off the beach because, well, I know how to hide from beach patrol. :)  Needless to say, it resulted with affectionate kisses by the end of the night.

Now, the bad news?  I couldn't fully enjoy the kisses.  Why?  Because I was overly concerned with him touching my fat.  He kept reaching around me and putting his hands inside my shirt, right on my love handles.  I was cringing the whole time.  At one point I couldn't help it, I finally had to point out that I didn't like it that much, that it was making me self conscious.  To which he replied, "Why?  It's just a love handle..."

Inside I died a little.

I was humiliated.  JUST a love handle?  Do you know what a love handle is pal?  FAT.  Thank you for pointing out it's JUST a love handle.  It's MY love handle, and you keep touching it, and now I can't relax.

Sigh.  It's a vicious, VICIOUS cycle.



  1. Most guys don't have the hang-ups that the chicks do about a few extra pounds. I suppose that's because most of us are packing a few extra pounds.

    My advice? Keep working to improve yourself, but cut yourself a little slack as well. Learn to love even your flaws and imperfections... after all, we've all got 'em.

    And personally (and I think I speak for all guys here) you're pretty hot, kid.

  2. Oh Diz ((hugs)), I am so sorry that you are so self conscious that you couldn't enjoy the experience. Such a shame, moreso because I totally agree with Jack when he says you are already pretty hot!! And no, I'm not a lesbian at all, I simply appreciate beauty when I see it. And yet I totally understand where you're coming from. Even at my adult slimmest, when I was working full-time at a fitness centre and was extremely fit, I was too self conscious to allow myself to get into these situations with men I actually cared about. Thus I ended up having far too many meaningless one-night-stands. All because I thought I was too fat. In hindsight, I see I was very hot back then.

    Jack is probably right about guys not having as many hang-ups. And this guy obviously likes you exactly as you are. It's sad that we sometimes expect such perfection of ourselves.

    A vicious cycle indeed!!

  3. Oh, Diz, don't let that comment get you down. Guys don't mean anything bad by that. Believe me, he was thrilled to be touching your so-called "love handles". We are a lot harder on ourselves than men are.

  4. Hmmm....he had no idea saying that would bother you as obviously it didn't bother him. Silly boys...

  5. OH MY GOD! Men are so incredible stupid.. For starters you probably don't have one so to say it either way, he couldn't have known what he was talking about. UGH MEN!