Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Love me too much...

My sister is one of my best secret keepers.  She is 4 years younger than me and basically the first memory of my life is when she was born (I was actually 3.75 years old at the time).  I remember my parents dropping me off at the Francis's home when it was still dark outside (I found out in my later years it was around 3 am) and then my grandparents picked me up and took me to the hospital later in the day.  I remember walking down an empty hospital corridor, holding my grandma's hand, and how big the toilet was in the guest bathroom.  I was so little then!  I also remember that my sister had the fullest head of hair anyone had ever seen. Not that I knew what that meant.  She was wrapped in a pink blanket and it seemed like we were waiting for her forever.  I spent hours playing with the toys in the connecting room, and playing with my grandparents.

My whole life we were pretty much inseparable.  Like I said before, she's only 4 years younger than I am, so the only time it seemed to be a big difference was while we were in high school.  I was a senior when she was a freshman, and you know how different a 14 year old can be from an 18 year old.  She would always borrow my clothes and it would cause the nastiest of fights- I don't know how my mother dealt with two emotional teenage girls without killing both of us.  Once we surpassed the teenage years though, we went right back to being besties.  We've been through everything together- from moving to foreign countries and not being able to speak the language, to dealing with our parents divorce, to struggling with our weight.  Since she got married a couple of years ago though, she's really thinned out.  But she had a baby back in November and has struggled to take off the last ten pounds (10 lbs?  Psht.  Please.).

So we call each other all the time.  Well, I called her again today, as usual.  She answered the phone and I said- "Sister, I'm burned out.  I'm tired of this battle.  It's hard enough just trying to maintain my weight."  and I expected her to tell me that I can do this- lift me up and inspire me as she usually does. She's always so strict and dedicated to her diet!  Instead she came back with, "Diz I'm so glad you said that.  Me too.  I'm just sooooo tired of this struggle.  I cannot seem to get it together lately."  WE both started laughing.  Then she told me something great.  She told me about an email that both of us received from our mom.  I hadn't read it yet; she had.  She told me that this email made her realize that she would rather enjoy her life and have fun than worry about 10 pounds.  She said she wants to be her "own best friend" and grow old and gray with herself- happy and content.  So what if she has one more cookie?  No one is going to notice or care except her.  She wants to love herself more, and criticize herself less.  Of course she is still going to work out and be aware, but she's also going to let go of all of the self anger and depreciation.  She wants to get old with her husband and enjoy her life to the fullest, not focus on how much she needs to lose.  And I want to do the same (not with her husband though!).

I don't know what this means right now.  I went and read the email and I loved it.  It talks about learning to love the little things and love yourself.  Enjoy those who you love in your life and who love you.  Enjoy those you don't love.  Be happy and find peace with yourself and your body- just love you!

So let's love ourselves a little more, and beat up ourselves a little less!!!!  What's something nice you can do for yourself today, to let yourself know you love you?  I'm going to let myself off the hook and enjoy my evening.   :)



  1. D - I truly love this post. I got a little teary-eyed with it because my sister and I have been arguing lately and this is the kind of relationship I want with her.
    I'm going to go and call her right now :)

    P.S. Always love yourself - you are amazing!

  2. I think you are on to something... between this post and the last one, you are on track. I think if you can step back and love you while you are enjoying the ride, great things will happen. Your body will find it's happy place naturally and you will be able to find joy in it.

    I hope that just made sense! I think you are amazing and I have loved finding your blog and getting to know you. You are so insightful.

    Just don't quit blogging.

  3. Brynn! Thank you for the kind words. I would love to follow your blog too but it's private! :) Send me something so I can be your support too!!


  4. What a great post! I love it!!!

  5. Oh, Diz, I needed to read this!!! Thanks, I'm putting down the paddle from eating some ice cream after dinner. (No, I didn't eat the ice cream with a paddle! I was beating myself up with it!)

    You, Mom, and Sister Bestie are so right. We can miss out on a lot by obsessing over a little weight. Might even take myself off the hook for treadmill duty tonight. Really tired....

    Blowing a big grateful kiss to ya!

  6. :D I second what Genie said... except I didn't' have ice cream. I did have pizza last night, tho. And gained 3 pounds over night. :(

    but...your words are true, Diz, and I think I'm going with that.


  7. I'm always envious of people who have sisters as best friends. My mom had 7 sisters and they're all besties.. lol. I only have brothers but they're alright I guess. Your mom sounds super adorable too!
    I miss you like crazy, lets chat again soon!
    xo peace