Well, I'm sick. I'm calling it. I woke up this morning with even more of a sore throat and drainage. While I don't "feel" sick, I am still not hungry at all. I'm just going to rest in order to kick this thing. I think it was the hot tub for 2 hours last night, after surfing. UGH.
UGH because I really wanted to do a far/long run today. I'm sure I could push it out of me if I wanted to, but I want more than that to get over this little bug that is trying to take over me.
So last night was surfing, tacos, and hot tub for me and a few friends. I'm posting some pics so you can see the beauty of where I live and be jealous. :)
Afterwards, we ended up in the hot tub for a million hours. As we talked, I started thinking about myself and my life. I feel like something in my life is lacking lately. For example, just look at my blog. I merely get on here, give you a quick update, and then move on. Remember months ago when my posts were so long it was ridiculous? Or if you go back to the beginning, my posts had feeling. I was spilling my guts out to you guys; now I just type and go. So in the hot tub last night, we started talking about these great guys that live here that are basically perfect men, but they never get married and settle down because they can't really connect with anyone anymore. They don't know how- it's been too long. They 're so used to being such achievers and doing things on their own and being alone for so long that I think the ability to really connect and really depend on someone else has left them and they either don't realize it, or don't think it's such a bad thing. I'm starting to wonder if this is happening to me. I'm not nearly as social as I used to be. I was complaining to a friend about it the other day, that I never get invited to little gatherings anymore, and she was like- but Diz, it's because you never go. You used to be invited to everything- you never go. And it's true! I'm losing that connection with other people. And part of me doesn't care; the other part of me does it on purpose because it's "safe". The only reason I do care is because I see what it does to other people and it makes me sad for them, and I realize I don't want to end up like that.
But how do you connect with other people? I mean really, truly, deeply connect?
I think about that training we had for work a few weeks ago. The lady leading the training was talking about the pyramid of communication. She said the bottom rung, or foundation of the pyramid, is ritual. Right? We shake each others hand, we say, "Hi my name is Diz, nice to meet you." etc. That's one of our cultural rituals. It's the first thing you do when you meet someone new. The next step up, which ritual leads to- is small talk. "How are you? Nice to meet you (ritual statement; we're transitioning here from ritual to small talk). So what do you do?" We ask small, safe questions because we're seeking information. By gathering information, we're able to start looking for the anything that will lead to the third step: connection. That's where you find things that you have in common, and once you've found what you having in common, you're able to connect with the person and get past surface communication to a deeper level: trust. Once you connect you start to build trust, and a "real" relationship.
This is where I seem to be stuck. I feel uncomfortable sometimes, trying to push past small talk. It feels nosy, or rude to push past small talk. Sometimes I get irritated with people when they try to push past this level with me. Is this normal? Is this how our society is now? Or is it just me? Is it my little single mormon culture that I live in- where everyone is trying to be polite and appear perfect, and really we're all just alone?