Monday, August 23, 2010

Another Confession

Well, my supplements still haven't come in the I'm still just kind of doing whatever while I wait for them to get here.

This weekend was particularly bad.  It was a nonstop party all weekend, NR and I had one of our besties staying at our house and another one came in on Friday- and we all just ate like pigs all weekend, with no working out.  When I say pigs, I mean absolute pigs.  Friday night we ordered pizza and breadsticks, and got a bunch of sodas to drink.  As soon as we were done gorging on that, NR made caramel popcorn balls- which were insane.  Pure butter and sugar- pure deliciousness.  I ate so much I thought I was going to pop- something about the breadsticks and then the popcorn balls set off some kind of carb binge and I couldn't stop eating.  I mean, everyone else was sitting around watching whatever was on the TV- and I was in the kitchen, stuffing down more breadsticks.  It was disgusting to say the least, and I knew when I was doing it.  I kept thinking- you're not hungry- stop.  And I didn't. :)  Saturday morning, me and my girls ended up at Bagel Mania for a little breakfast time before we started off the day.  I was so carbed out and just feeling gross- and it only continued throughout the day.  That day ended at 3 am on Saturday night/Sunday morning after being at Denny's with more friends after a party that we were at (I had French Toast- believe it...another 900 calories), and I was tipping the scales with numbers I have not seen in over a year before I went to bed.  Again, I was NOT hungry when we went to Denny's.  I seriously don't know why I have this need to eat around other people, even when I'm not hungry.  Especially when I'm not hungry- for some reason I just don't want to be the one to say "no".  I am afraid of being 'that girl'; the one that is like- no thanks, I'm not hungry.  ???? It's so bizarre.

Anyway, I got up Sunday and tried to do a little damage control- I didn't eat until noon and ended up having 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before I felt disgusting again and basically didn't eat for the rest of the night.  I mean, I completely and utterly let myself go through out the whole weekend, which was interesting because normally there is some kind of self restraint.  I only know that because I was aware of it when I let it go.  NR and I were talking about it last night when we were discussing the things that happened over the weekend and we were both like- "what just happened?"  I haven't acted like that (no control) in over a year I feel like.  I mean, I've had my little episodes, but going a whole weekend?  The odd thing is, I don't really feel that guilty- just physically disgusting.  But I'm glad I feel it- it helps me know that that kind of behavior isn't normal for me anymore and that I eat better than that.  While it was fun to let go and enjoy ourselves, if I've learned anything over the last year- it's that I'm healthier than that.  It's okay though- I'm not beating myself up for it- just telling you what happened.

This morning I weighed in at 143, which shocked me.  I mean, SHOCKED me.  I don't understand how weight works sometimes.  I am so thankful that this weekend really didn't affect me that bad- and that I can get up and clean up today.  I still feel gross and sick today- but the good news is I have a little hope and excitement in me.  I can eat clean today.  I'm sure my supplements for Fat Flush are coming in the mail today and I'm excited to start eating healthy again and feeling light and healthy again- cause this feeling of garbage feels gross.  Next time I want to binge on caramel popcorn- hopefully I remember this disgusting feeling and don't do it. :)

So yay for a new week!  Yay for healthy eating and working out!!!  I'm excited for this day!!



  1. We're in the same boat; let's make this a successful one!!

  2. Yes, you CAN eat clean today. Supplements or no supplements, you can eat clean tomorrow, too. Yes, you can. I believe in you! :D


  3. Good Luck! I am so sure that the clean eating is going to make you feel so much better I hope that it helps you not want to have a carb laden weekend!

  4. Check out my post today. It made me think...

  5. You are not alone Diz, the weirdest thing hit me the other day when I realized that my overeating is a compulsion. Its a crazy feeling, thats completely out of my control and no matter what I tell myself in the moment and try to convince myself that I will feel awful afterwards I still want to stuff my face till I can't breate. Its so hard. If thats at all what you're feeling you are not the only one! xoxoxoxox

  6. Hope you're back where you want to be. It's been a crazy week overall.

    Binges happen. We go on and keep trying, because what else can we do?