Well- Again, in a matter of hours, I have come to a new place of understanding. This time though, it's thanks to you- my friends.
It started with Genie's comment- she said I had a tenacious spirit and I thought, wow- I really really appreciate that. This is coming from a woman who has been reading my blog for months, and I don't take that lightly. I feel like she really understands who I am or who I am trying to be. We're both writers and we enjoy our little blogs- and she gets that about me and I love that about her. She has told me repeatedly that I am inspiring and because I respect her tremendously, that means a lot to me. It really does- thank you Genie.
Then I read Gina's comment and thought- I love having girls read my page that get me. They know. This girl is on the same journey as I am and I love reading her blog and she gives me hope and inspiration too. I hope she loves reading my blog as much as I love reading hers. We're in the same boat! I love knowing that there are women out there that are on the same journey as me. I love seeing her comments because to me, it is as if I was talking to myself. It's funny to me how much this girl has come to mean to me in such a relatively short period of time. Because I see her striving for the same goals I guess. ;) I don't know but Gina girl- you make me happy!
LDSwims. We're new friends. But already you are making a name for yourself in my book. :) I read that comment earlier today and then went about my day...all day thinking about your comment. You are right- I am healthy, and I am real. And I was back then too. I don't know why, because what you said to me is not something new. I mean, it's not something that hasn't been said to me before. But for some reason it finally clicked in my brain. It sunk in really really deep today; hopefully for good. Thank you so much- your comment really touched my heart and opened my eyes. I am not fat. If you look at my BMI- I am in a "normal" healthy weight range. All of this obsession- it's in my mind. Yes, I live in Southern California where eating disorders run rampant and I've begun to compare myself to these girls as if they're normal. I'm normal! I am 32 years old, I am thinner than I was in that picture, and it's okay. I'm okay. I AM a girl that is happy and loves life. Maybe you're right, LDSwims, it's time to ease up on myself...You are right and I thank you. Thank you for saying it in a way that was positive and kind and for being real with me. I wish I could write the right words to have you understand what you're comment did to me today- seriously, thank you. :)
Then I read Brynn's comment. Brynn- I have to address this little paragraph to you because I don't have your email and I can't get on your blog otherwise I would've emailed you personally. I want you to know that when I saw those scriptures and realized you're LDS too, I was seriously touched and humbled. Thank you so much. You have to remember, I know NOTHING about you. :) And yet I am so happy you read my blog and make comments for me. It's okay that your blog is private. As long as you come back and find my comments back to you so you know that I am reading and listening and hearing what you have to say to me, I am okay with not reading your blog. I just wanted to show you support you on your journey, since you have been so supportive of me on mine. But as long as you know that I am thinking about you, wherever you are, and I care about you and pray for you- then I am satisfied. Thank you for your words on my blog- and your support on my journey. I want you to know that I hope that you are happy where you are in your life because you deserve happiness and all the blessings Heavenly Father has for you. I don't even know you, and I know those blessings are so great. Thank you.
As I went about my day today- running around with NR and doing errands, I have been so happy to realize I am okay. I DO need to keep working out, and KEEP watching what I eat, but I am OKAY. We had so much fun today, NR and I. We've been laughing and being crazy all day. I came home tonight and went to do my workout with my church friend. Um...can we say that she kicked my ass in about 10 minutes? This is what she made me do tonight: run about the block, drop and do 20 pushups, then do lunges with weights to the garbage bin and back- 3 TIMES. TIMED. Not stopping- sprinting because I was being timed. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I was huffing so hard at the end that my throat went sore. We set up a schedule to meet twice a week and I came home and hopped in the shower. Now- there are a bunch of people milling around my living room and socializing and laughing really hard and I am locked in my room right now, supposedly getting dressed (instead I'm typing this post). Which means I have to go soon because I need to dry my hair and put some clothes on (still in my towel).
I just want to say thank you to all of you. Every last one of you who commented on my blog yesterday and today seriously touched my heart; every single one of you. Deb, Chunky Chick, Sib, Draz. All of you are my friends. All of you have been with me for months and your comments have lifted me, inspired me, and carried me through my struggles. I care about each of you deeply. I love you. I love reading your blogs and seeing your journeys and enjoying your comments. You 4 are so wonderful and I did not forget you; I'm just running out of time right now.
All of you are right about one thing- I am a fun girl, a lively girl, a healthy girl. I work out hard. I eat a lot sometimes. I enjoy my food too much and sometimes eat stuff that is not the best for me. I'm working on it- but it's okay. Sometimes I have a better grip on it than other times. It's okayyyyy. I'm learning and I have a great life. :)
I love you all so much- thank you so much-